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Chastity Is for Lovers: Single, Happy, and (Still) a Virgin, by Arleen Spenceley
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Winner of a 2015 Catholic Press Award: Books for Teens and Young Adults (First Place).
In 2012, journalist Arleen Spenceley outed herself as a twenty-six-year-old virgin in a Tampa Bay Times op-ed that went viral. In Chastity Is for Lovers, Spenceley expands on that piece, advocating Catholic teaching on sex and marriage with candor and humor, and without judgment.
In her debut book, seasoned journalist and self-professed "happy virgin" Arleen Spenceley offers a mature, funny, and relatable vision of Catholic teaching on chastity for young adults. Chastity Is for Lovers provides perspective on a variety of topics--the difference between chastity and abstinence, how virginity is an affirming and valuable life choice, how the word "purity" can be harmful in ministry settings, how to date well, and why sexual self-control is the best form of marriage preparation--and gives single adults the best possible chance to find true love. She carefully avoids using language that shames readers and instead presents a view of chastity that is joyful and positive.
- Sales Rank: #704843 in Books
- Published on: 2014-11-28
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.40" h x .60" w x 5.40" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 160 pages
Review
"I'm so grateful--both as a father and a youth worker--for this new book by Arleen Spenceley. She is a masterful storyteller and writer, engaging the heart and the soul with every turn of the page. She doesn't just have a story to tell, she shares her own--with unrivaled rawness and authenticity--in a way that even the most cynical heart will be moved. I have always admired Arleen's writing, her passion, and how she gives a voice to the Lord through modern media. In Chastity Is for Lovers, Spenceley establishes herself not merely as a voice but, rather, the voice of and to the young Catholic Church." --Mark Hart, Executive Vice President, Life Teen
"God always allows U-turns, no matter how many mistakes we've made. But there is also a better and truly beautiful way to live one's life and avoid the pain that comes when one doesn't follow God's perfect plan for sexuality. What a powerful resource Arleen is providing for women and men in today's oversexualized culture." --Teresa Tomeo, Motivational speaker, best-selling author, syndicated Catholic talk show host
"With clarity and charity, and a good dose of touching story, Arleen Spenceley has opened a space to discuss authentic chastity again. She does so not with a negative, repressive, or condemning tone, but with one full of joy, hope, and humor. She reminds us all to find, in every state of life, the truth that our hearts really long for: the deepest love, the one every heart is made for!" --Bill Donaghy, Curriculum specialist and international speaker and teacher, Theology of the Body Institute
"A frank, funny, honest, and insightful look at one of the most important topics of our generation. Arleen beautifully unpacks what chastity is (and isn't!) and provides us with practical examples on how to live it in our everyday lives." --Bob Rice, Author of A 40-Day Spiritual Workout for Catholics
"Arleen's courageous witness of being a virgin in the twenty-first century is awe inspiring. Every young person that reads this book will be encouraged to save sex!" --Justin Fatica, Author of Hard as Nails and Win It All
"I commend Arleen for not only writing this book, but also for taking a stand in a world that encourages non-marital sex and where chastity is mocked or disregarded by the general public. She affirms the will of God for all of us: greater intimacy with Jesus, who satisfies all our needs!" -- --Wilna van Beek, Motivational speaker and chastity advocate
About the Author
Arleen Spenceley graduated from the University of South Florida in 2007 with a bachelor of arts degree in journalism, and in 2013 with a master of arts degree in rehabilitation and mental health counseling from the same university. She first wrote professionally in high school, as a correspondent for the Tampa Bay Times, and joined the Times as a staff writer during college. Her work has also appeared in the Chicago Sun-Times, the Austin-American Statesman, the Journal Gazette, and the Herald Times in Indiana; the Norristown Times Herald, the Star-Courier, the Hometown Punxsutawney Magazine, and the Dispatch in Pennsylvania; the Record Courier in Ohio; the Houma Today and the Daily Comet in Louisiana; and the State in South Carolina. She has written on a freelance basis since college, including contributions to Chastity Project and a monthly column on Ignitum Today, and has contributed popular essays to Relevantmagazine.com, including "Is There Room for Erotica in Christianity?" and "Confessions of a Catholic Christian." She has also written for Busted Halo, Relate Magazine, and Lifeteen.
Spenceley blogs at arleenspenceley.com about love, relationships, and sex, and about the impact of American culture on Christianity, from a Roman Catholic perspective. In January 2013, she participated in a roundtable discussion of abstinence and virginity on NPR's nationally syndicated radio show Tell Me More. Though she left the Tampa Bay Times in 2012 to finish her master's degree, she returned to the Times staff in October 2013.
Most helpful customer reviews
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
A dangerous book
By G.M.A.
G.K. Chesterton wrote that “the Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried.” This pretty much sums Arleen Spenceley’s book on chastity.
Don’t worry, though, she does not berate, shame, or put down. But don’t be fooled, this is a dangerous book: it will challenge you, inspire you… and once you read it, you will never be able to say, “I wish someone had told me.” You’ve been told.
Arleen writes honestly about what it’s been like to live a life of chastity: not easy. However, she also writes about why it’s worth it. She explains why she has pressed in through the difficulties, the put downs, and the incredible meanness of so many who do not understand that the concept of no pain, no gain really does apply to more than sports.
From chapter 7: “… chastity is not supposed to end, ever, not even at marriage.” This book is about much more than being a virgin. It’s about loving and wondering about “what a different world this would be if people were more prepared to be good at marriage than to be good at sex.” (From chapter 2)
So, this book is for you… whether you are single, married, celibate… young or old. If you consider yourself a Christian, and your heart longs for the Christian ideal, this book will help encourage you to believe that you can do it. We can live better lives, love “with upright and undivided lives” if only we choose to aim higher than what passes for fulfillment in modern day culture.
How many of us live our lives as the child C.S Lewis describes when he writes: “We are half-hearted creatures… like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
Arleen helps us imagine the sea, and calls us out of our mud pit.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
This Book is for Lovers
By Dr. Kevin G. Vost
Chastity is for Lovers is definitely a book for lovers of all sorts: for those who love others, whether virgins or not, and it's even a book for those who love books. Arleen Spenceley has written a surprisingly engaging, warm and wise, fun and swift-moving tome. I devoured it in one sitting, but will certainly dip back in for seconds and thirds later on. Arleen's skills as a journalist ring out as she starts and peppers each chapter with intriguing real-life stories, some painful, some humorous, and every one of them thought-provoking. She understands and clearly explains the theology behind the chastity; how chastity is a virtue, and the kind of love that it promotes shows itself in the loving way she addresses those in the majority in our culture today who hold such very different views from her own, considering a self-chosen chastity abnormal and psychologically harmful.
How odd that in our modern culture a young woman must be thick-skinned and courageous to proclaim her voluntary virginity in a way that proffers no insults to so many who choose the far more common path (about 49 times more common for American women ages 25 - 44 according to statistics she cites) that leads away from virginity. Young people today need to hear another view of sexuality that does not separate the body from soul and sexuality from love, and we older people need to hear it too. For years I taught Adolescent Psychology to young and middle-aged adults at a public university, and material like this was nowhere to be seen in the textbooks' chapters on adolescent sexuality. Thankfully Arleen has both the thick-skin and the courage that comes from caring to make this pro-life, pro-love, counter-cultural message heard.
This book shares lessons that all of us, regardless of age and of sexual experience or lack thereof, need to learn or relearn, to help heal all the damaged relationships that arise when acts of sexual intimacy are, by implication, considered too trivial and meaningless to care to do them right - with the right person, at the right time, and for the right reasons. No fingers are pointed or shaken at those who hear and live or have lived a different message, but the author does point to another beautiful way to embrace one's sexuality, whether or not one has remained chaste.
Arleen notes at the end that she dreamed about writing a book since she was in the second grade. With Chastity is for Lovers, it seems to me her dream could hardly have more delightfully come true.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
A must-read - some of the most important writing I've read on the topic of sex...ever.
By Sarah Reinhard
Call this your “Sarah said so” must-read for 2014. I laughed, I cried, I pre-ordered two copies for my nieces. This is some of the most important writing I’ve read on the topic of sex…ever. (JP2 might have her beat with TOB, but let’s not get picky.)
Spenceley cuts to the heart of the matter, and she does it with grace, style, and a smile. I found myself crying–and don’t you DARE blame hormones!–because I so wish I had been told this, had read this, had heard this beautiful truth BEFORE NOW. (OK, so I have. But not when I was her age.)
This book is courageous and wise. It’s logical and methodical, even as its softer side is strewn throughout, weaving it together.
Truly, a masterpiece. I couldn’t put it down, and I can’t recommend it highly enough. Go forth and buy it for yourself!
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